Getting Over An Affair - How To Build Trust After Infidelity

Written by Carrie Bradford

Tuesday, 03 November 2009 19:27

by CarrieBradford

You've cheated and been caught, and now you're wondering if your relationship can be saved. In my experience, the answer is yes...as long as you know how to build trust after infidelity. You can both start getting over an affair and getting on with your lives together, and I hope this article helps.

Confession time -- I cheated on my husband. But eventually he forgave me, and we've been a stronger couple ever since.

You didn't stray for no reason. Something about your relationship was causing you to feel uneasy, unfulfilled. Once you know what that was, you can start to fix things.

Think about the person you cheated with. What drew you to them? Was it the way they looked, or how they acted, or certain things that they said to you? Something about them hit a trigger...a 'hole' in your current relationship that you desperately wanted to fill.

You wouldn't have cheated if you were happy with your relationship. That's not an excuse...just a reason.

If you want to restore trust, you need to correct the issues in your relationship. Sometimes, counselling can help.

But just understanding our feelings and issues isn't enough. You have to actually take action.

Rebuilding trust means more than talking about the right things. You have to start doing the right things.

Make (and keep) small promises. This goes a long way to positioning you as trustworthy, Even if it's just promising to walk the dog every morning. If you show that you can be trusted with little things, it eventually builds confidence with your partner that you can be trusted overall.

Whatever you do, don't argue. Your mate needs reassurance, and needs to express their feelings. This means that you will be taking the brunt of it all...and you're going to have to do it with patience and understanding. Accept their anger and sorrow, apologize as often as you need to, and above all be patient and humble.

At the same time, don't take abuse. If your partner really won't let up or is guilt-tripping you, talk to them about it with compassion and without losing your temper. They are fragile and might not be thinking clearly. They need to know that you understand where they're coming from, so be understanding.

Finally, you need to find the silver lining. Discuss the affair as a chance for the both of you to improve your relationship and grow together as a couple. In my case, my husband and I both realized that we had some destructive attitudes toward relationships in general, and me cheating brought them to light. We learned from the experience and are the better for it.

Getting over an affair and rebuilding trust takes some time. You'll need to be honest with yourself and with your partner, and take action to fix things. But if you do it right, you'll end up a stronger couple for it.

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For more tips and actions you can take to build trust after infidelity and repair your relationship, visit www.SecondChanceAtLove.info

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